I am my own worst critic. It’s true. There is no one that will be harder on me than me.

This has become a mindset of mine.

Everything I do, I critique it. What do I need to do better? How could I have reacted better? What do I need to do differently? This is also usually from a negative viewpoint. I don’t make a list of the things I did well, it’s a list of failures.

Let me give you an example. Two weeks ago I got to be on a training team for the World Race training camp and it was a busy and challenging week. I was balancing CGA classes, apprenticeship obligations and 14-ish hour training team days. I was always running from one thing to the next and didn’t feel like I got to fully invest in any of it. I was out of my comfort zone with things like being in a dance off in front of the squad and as a newbie speaking up and giving my opinion.

At the end of the week we sat down to have a feedback session. In my mind everything people were going to say was going to be negative; I wasn’t present enough or I didn’t speak up enough.

When it was my turn that wasn’t what happened at all. I was told that they wouldn’t have known it was my first training camp. I spoke with insight and wisdom into situations throughout the week. I was told that they thought that I handled my obligations well, and any stress I did feel, I didn’t bring it to the team, or the squad I was helping train. It was recognized that I would go the extra mile for people on the squad if there was something I could do.

This was an eye opener for me.

I have operated in this for a while. Even a majority of my time with the Lord is spent trying to fix the things that I think are wrong with me. This is not a healthy place to be. This is not a place where I walk in confidence in who God has made me to be.

Since being here at CGA we have talked a lot about our words and the power of them. There is power in our words. Scripture speaks of this many times. 

• Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. Proverbs 18:21
• Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29
• There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18
• A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

Words have the power to shape people, to change the atmosphere around us, to encourage or tear down. I'm becoming a lot more aware of it, and the effect my own words have on myself. For a long time I have spoken words of failure and disappointment over myself. I shared this with my house mentor this week and was challenged to not talk to God at all about my failures for a week and to see what He has to say in place of that. To choose to start speaking the things over myself that God says are true.